Sonny, The Cockatiel: Because Apparently We Need This News
Seriously? A cockatiel? Thirty-three years old? Is this what we’ve come to? While the world is grappling with… well, everything, were celebrating a feathered friend who’s lived longer than most of my houseplants. And it’s news. Official news! Apparently, Guinness World Records has nothing better to do than verify avian longevity.
I mean, congratulations, Illinois family. You kept a bird alive for over three decades. That’s… something. But do we really need a global announcement? Should children be inspired by Sonnys accomplishment? I can only imagine the motivational posters: Be Like Sonny! Just… exist for an absurdly long time!
Its just so wonderfully, perfectly pointless, isn’t it? While politicians bicker and ice caps melt, were collectively patting ourselves on the back for a bird that probably spends most of its days preening and squawking at dust motes. I bet Sonny doesnt even appreciate the fanfare. He’s likely too busy demanding millet spray and judging our life choices from his perch.
Frankly, I’m exhausted by this level of… fluffiness. Let’s focus on something important. Like, I don’t know, curing diseases or achieving world peace. But no. We’re celebrating a cockatiel. A cockatiel!
