The Universe Conspires to Steal Your Five Bucks
Five thousand, one hundred and fifty-one tickets. Seriously? Five thousand, one hundred and fifty-one tickets with 9-1-1 somehow managed to snag a top prize in the North Carolina lottery. Do you know what that feels like? It feels like the universe is actively mocking your pathetic attempts at financial stability. It feels like someone’s meticulously calculating probabilities just to prove how spectacularly youre going to fail.
I bought a ticket. Of course I did. Because apparently, hope springs eternal from the pockets of the financially vulnerable. I envisioned myself paying off student loans, maybe taking a slightly nicer vacation than camping in my backyard. Instead? I got nothing. Nada. Zilch. But 5,151 other people did.
Think about it! That’s almost six thousand people who are suddenly marginally wealthier thanks to the collective delusion of chance. And what am I supposed to do with that information? Feel good for them? No! Im meant to question everything. Was this a coincidence? A statistical anomaly? Or is there some shadowy cabal manipulating number generators for their own nefarious purposes?
Honestly, at this point, I’d have better luck winning the lottery by spontaneously combusting and reforming as a stack of dollar bills. At least that would be interesting. Five thousand, one hundred and fifty-one winners? Its just… insulting.
