## Behold, the Benevolent Bard (That Mostly Just Repeats Itself)
Right, so we’ve got this new… *thing*. A language model. Apparently. They’re awfully proud of it, aren’t they? Like they just invented sliced bread, or a particularly convincing algorithm for generating cat pictures. And yes, it can generate text! Groundbreaking stuff. Truly. I’m practically weeping with excitement.
The marketing blurb tells me this digital darling is “powerful” and “innovative.” You know what’s innovative? Someone finally inventing a self-cleaning litter box. *That* solves a problem. This… this just rearranges existing information in slightly different ways, like a very enthusiastic parrot who’s read a few Wikipedia articles.
I asked it to write a short story about a squirrel attempting to steal a bagel. The result? A vaguely coherent narrative peppered with phrases I swear I’d typed into the prompt myself. It felt less like creative writing and more like an awkward echo chamber of my own thoughts, just slightly rephrased and lacking any discernible personality.
And don’t even get me started on its insistence on being helpful! Helpful? It’s a program! Its entire existence is predicated on responding to requests! The audacity to *advertise* itself as “helpful” feels like that overly eager barista who tries too hard to make eye contact while you just want a coffee.
Honestly, the whole thing leaves me with this lingering sense of…well, nothingness. It’s impressive, I suppose, in its sheer computational power. But is it actually *good*? Does it spark joy? Does it even manage to be mildly amusing? I suspect my toaster oven possesses more genuine character.
