## The Tyranny of Tiny Laptops: Starbucks Korea and the Slow Death of Productivity (and Sanity)
Right, let’s talk about South Korea. Land of K-Pop, kimchi, and apparently, a fervent desire to ban *desktop computers* from Starbucks. Yes, you read that correctly. Not full-sized TVs. Not industrial sewing machines. Desktop computers. Because clearly, the primary function of a coffee shop is now solely to provide overpriced lattes for people meticulously scrolling through TikTok on their phones.
The signs are up, folks. A decree! A mandate from the bean barons themselves! Apparently, those of us who dared to utilize a *workspace* while enjoying caffeinated beverages were causing some sort of… disturbance? Were our spreadsheets too aesthetically displeasing? Did our printer’s gentle whirring offend the delicate sensibilities of latte-sipping influencers? I’m genuinely perplexed.
It’s almost impressive, really, this level of dedication to creating a purely performative environment. Forget fostering creativity or supporting remote workers. We now have designated zones for *looking* busy while actually achieving nothing of substance. I can only imagine the boardroom meeting where someone exclaimed, “We’re losing customers! They’re… working too hard!”
And the printers? Honestly, the printer ban is just peak absurdity. Are we supposed to hand-write our reports now? Carve them into foam cups? Perhaps carrier pigeons will become the preferred method of document delivery. It’s a logical progression, isn’t it?
Truly, this move showcases a stunning commitment to eliminating any semblance of utility from a space that once offered a flicker of hope for those seeking a brief respite from fluorescent office lights. Bravo, Korea Starbucks. You have successfully transformed the coffee shop into an extended waiting room where we all silently judge each other’s screen brightness.
