“Google’s Canine Conquest: Meet Gemma, the World’s Tallest Living Dog (Apparently)”
In a move that has left many scratching their heads, Google has announced its latest innovation: a dog so tall it’ll make you question everything you thought you knew about canine biology. Enter Gemma, the 3-foot-2-inch Great Dane who is officially recognized as the world’s tallest living dog by… well, whoever it is that recognizes these things.
According to sources (aka our neighbor’s kid who has a cat), Gemma was discovered in an Iowa farmyard, where she was allegedly “just chillin’, being tall and stuff.” We’re told she’s been training for months to reach this lofty height, which is roughly the same distance from the floor to the top shelf of your average IKEA bookcase.
Gemma’s owners are thrilled about their pup’s newfound fame, saying they knew she was special from the moment she stumbled out of the whelping box and tripped over her own paws. “We just figured it would take her a little longer to learn how to walk without bumping into everything,” said one proud owner.
But what does this mean for the future of dog-kind? Will we see a surge in demand for extra-tall dog food bowls and staircases leading up to the bed? Will Gemma’s towering height become the new standard for canine coolness, leaving all other dogs feeling like, well, shorties?
Google engineers are already working on an algorithm to detect and amplify Gemma’s natural awesomeness, promising a future where your phone will automatically take selfies with the world’s tallest dog whenever you walk near her. Because who wouldn’t want their Instagram followers to know they’re hanging out with a 3-foot-2-inch giant?
Meanwhile, rival tech companies are scrambling to catch up, announcing their own plans for canine conquests. Apple is reportedly working on an iDog that will allow users to virtually pet and play fetch with Gemma from the comfort of their own homes. Meanwhile, Facebook is busy creating a “Paws-itive Reinforcement” algorithm to train dogs everywhere to stand on their hind legs and beg for treats.
And in the midst of all this fur-fueled frenzy, one question remains: what does it take to make a dog as tall as Gemma? Is it just good old-fashioned genetics or is there some sort of secret ingredient involved? Are they feeding her special dog food that contains extra calcium or perhaps a dash of magic fairy dust?
We’re not sure, but we do know that Gemma’s owners are already planning to cash in on their pup’s newfound fame with a line of merchandise featuring her adorable mug. Because who wouldn’t want to wear a t-shirt emblazoned with the image of the world’s tallest dog, proudly declaring to the world, “I’m taller than most humans and I’m not afraid to bark about it”?
