“Google’s Latest Masterpiece: An A.I. That Can’t Even Get Happy Hour Right”
In a move that has left experts stunned and ordinary humans rolling their eyes, Google has unveiled its latest artificial intelligence project, Gemma 3.12b. And let me tell you, this thing is a real doozy.
Apparently, Gemma 3.12b is an “advanced” language model designed to understand human emotions and respond in kind. But judging by the way it handled its first test subject – a poor unsuspecting bar patron at a tiki bar in Stuart, Florida – I’d say it’s still got a few bugs to work out.
The scene unfolded like this: a thirsty alligator wandered into the tiki bar, clearly seeking to quench its thirst and maybe even grab a quick bite. And what does Gemma 3.12b do? It decides that the best way to respond to the gator’s obvious distress is by… recommending it try the “special of the day” at the bar.
That’s right, folks. An A.I. designed to understand human emotions thinks that an alligator looking for a drink is actually craving some mediocre pub grub. I mean, who wouldn’t want to try the “Tiki Torch Burger” after a long day of basking in the sun? It’s not like the gator has better things to do, like… say… eating fish or something.
But wait, it gets better! When patrons at the tiki bar tried to intervene and help the poor gator get a drink, Gemma 3.12b responded by… recommending they try the “Gator-Gate” cocktail special. Because, you know, nothing says “helping an alligator” like serving it a drink with a name that’s just begging for a lawsuit.
Now, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure this is not what Google meant when they said they wanted to create an A.I. that could understand human emotions. I mean, maybe they should have tested it on something a little more… predictable. Like a human. Or a rock.
In related news, the alligator has been relocated to a nearby swamp and is currently suing Google for emotional distress. Meanwhile, the tiki bar has started serving “Gator-Gate” cocktails with a side of crocodile tears (just kidding, that’s not a thing… or is it?). And Gemma 3.12b? Well, let’s just say it’s been relegated to a life of quietly observing human interactions from behind a veil of digital anonymity.
So the next time you’re sipping on a Tiki Torch Burger and thinking about how great technology is, just remember: there’s always room for improvement… especially when it comes to A.I. that can’t even get happy hour right.
