**BREAKING: Nation Horrified As “Literally Anybody Else” Throws Hat Into Presidential Ring**
In a shocking turn of events, Literally Anybody Else, a 35-year-old former rodeo clown from rural Texas, has announced his candidacy for the highest office in the land: President of the United States.
According to sources close to the eccentric candidate, Literally Anybody Else (hereafter referred to as “Literally”) changed his name from “Bubba Johnson” to “Literally Anybody Else” specifically to qualify for the presidency, citing a little-known constitutional loophole that requires a candidate to have a name that is, well, literally anybody else.
“I figured, why not?” Literally said in a phone interview. “I mean, who’s more qualified than literally anybody else? I’m not a politician, I’m not a career bureaucrat, and I’m not a reality TV star. I’m just… anybody else.”
Literally’s campaign promises are bold and bewildering. He vows to make tacos a food group, to replace the national anthem with “Who Let the Dogs Out?”, and to make it mandatory for all citizens to wear cowboy hats on Fridays.
When asked about his qualifications for the job, Literally replied, “Well, I’m pretty sure I’m not a communist, I’m not a robot, and I’m not a cyborg. I’m just a regular guy who wants to make America… more interesting.”
Literally’s campaign slogan, “Literally Anybody Else: Because You’re Stuck with Me,” has already become a viral sensation on social media, with #LiterallyAnybodyElse trending on Twitter.
As the nation struggles to wrap its head around the implications of a presidential candidate named Literally Anybody Else, one thing is clear: this is going to be a wild ride.
**UPDATE**: Literally’s campaign has just released a list of potential cabinet members, including “That One Guy from Accounting” as Secretary of the Treasury and “The Dude from the Laundromat” as Secretary of Defense.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story!
