**BREAKING: BEAR-ALITY TV ALERT**
DENVER, CO – In a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, and downright unbelievable turn of events, a hilariously chunky black bear has been caught on camera in the heart of Colorado, leaving wildlife experts and residents alike in stitches.
Meet “Bernie” – the bear who’s so big, so bold, and so breathtakingly…round. This gargantuan grizzly-ish (wait, no, it’s a black bear, but just go with it) behemoth of a bear has been making headlines and crushing snacks in the small town of Estes Park.
The camera, set up by a team of wildlife enthusiasts, captured the comically corpulent creature lumbering through a residential neighborhood, sending shivers down the spines of anyone who’s ever seen a bear…or a large, fluffy pillow.
“I was just trying to get a shot of some deer, and then I saw…this,” said local photographer, Jane Doe. “At first, I thought it was a bear-shaped boulder, but then it started moving, and I was like, ‘Oh no, it’s a bear-pocalypse!'”
Bernie, estimated to weigh in at a whopping 500 pounds (or roughly the same as a grand piano, but, you know, fluffier), has been identified as a 5-year-old black bear who’s apparently been enjoying a little too much of the local honey and granola bars.
“I’m not sure what’s more astonishing – the bear’s size or its impeccable taste in snacks,” said Dr. Emily Chen, a leading bear expert (okay, we made that up, but just go with it). “We’re talking bear-sized portions of pancakes, waffles, and possibly even a few too many trips to the local BBQ joint.”
As Bernie continues to lumber its way through the community, residents are advised to keep their trash cans tightly sealed and their snacks under lock and key. Meanwhile, local businesses are capitalizing on the bear’s newfound fame, selling “I survived the Bernie bear invasion” t-shirts and “Thicc Boi” merchandise.
Stay tuned for further updates on this developing story, and in the meantime, try not to get too close to Bernie – unless you’re prepared for a serious case of bear-envy.
