**BREAKING: COASTAL CHAOS ERUPTS AS LIFEBOAT CREW RESPONDS TO DISTRESS CALL, ONLY TO FIND ROGUE DUMMY ON THE LOOSE**
In a bizarre incident that has left the coastal community in stitches, a lifeboat crew was scrambled to respond to a distress call yesterday evening, only to find themselves face-to-face with a most unlikely “survivor” – a lost dummy.
The drama unfolded at approximately 8:45pm, when the Coast Guard’s emergency dispatch received a frantic call from a local resident, claiming to have spotted a person in the water near the pier. The lifeboat crew sprang into action, racing to the scene with sirens blaring.
Upon arrival, the crew was shocked to discover not a struggling swimmer, but a lone, bedraggled dummy clinging to a piece of driftwood. The dummy, which appeared to be a discarded mannequin from a nearby store, was bobbing up and down in the waves, sending the lifeboat crew into hysterics.
“It was like something out of a bad horror movie,” said Lifeboat Crew Member, John Smith. “We were expecting to pull out a hypothermic sailor or a traumatized swimmer, but instead, we got…this. A plastic dummy with a wonky arm and a hairstyle that looked like it belonged in a 1980s music video.”
The crew quickly plucked the dummy from the water and brought it aboard, where it was given a makeshift life jacket and a name – “Daisy.” As they began to investigate the origins of the errant dummy, they discovered that it had apparently been swept away from a storefront window display during a particularly vigorous game of “dummy-tug-of-war” between two mischievous seagulls.
“We’re just glad that no one was actually in distress,” said Coast Guard spokesperson, Lt. Jane Doe. “But we do have to wonder – what’s next? A lost teddy bear? A runaway inflatable flamingo?”
The dummy, Daisy, is currently being held for further questioning (or rather, not). Meanwhile, the lifeboat crew is still trying to process the surreal experience.
“Well, that was a first,” said Smith, chuckling. “I mean, who needs a rescue mission when you’ve got a rescue dummy?”
