**BREAKING: Small Town in New York Declares War on Sloppy Citizens, Demands Immediate Apology from Litterbugs**
In a shocking turn of events, the quaint town of Pineview, New York, has taken drastic measures to combat the scourge of litterbugs that has been plaguing its streets. The town council, fueled by a righteous sense of indignation, has declared all-out war on residents who refuse to dispose of their trash properly.
As of yesterday morning, residents caught tossing so much as a discarded gum wrapper on the sidewalk will be subject to a special brand of punishment that would make even the most hardened convict blanch.
“We’re talking serious consequences here,” declared Pineview Mayor, Agnes P. Bottomsworth. “Litterbugs will be forced to attend mandatory ‘Trash Etiquette’ classes, where they’ll be educated on the finer points of proper waste disposal. And if they don’t shape up, they’ll be shipped off to… (dramatic pause) …Litter-Boot Camp!”
The town’s aggressive anti-litter campaign, dubbed “Operation: Clean Sweep,” has already yielded impressive results. Local residents report seeing litterbugs being chased down the street by teams of zealous volunteers wielding trash grabbers and stern expressions.
“I was just trying to get to work on time, and suddenly I’m being pursued by a mob of trash- wielding vigilantes,” said local resident, Dave Wilson. “I mean, I know I threw a wrapper on the ground, but did I really deserve to be treated like a common littering felon?”
But the town council remains unapologetic, insisting that drastic measures are necessary to restore Pineview to its former glory.
“We’re not just talking about aesthetics here,” said Councilwoman, Bertha B. Brimstone. “Litter is a serious issue that affects property values, local wildlife, and our collective sense of civic pride. We’re willing to do whatever it takes to make Pineview the cleanest town in the country.”
As for the litterbugs themselves, they’re just trying to stay one step ahead of the law.
“I’ve taken to carrying a small trash can with me at all times,” said self-proclaimed litterbug, Tim Johnson. “It’s a hassle, but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I mean, have you seen those Trash Etiquette classes? They’re no joke.”
In related news, local businesses are reporting a surge in sales of reusable coffee cups, eco-friendly shopping bags, and litter-themed merchandise. It’s clear that Pineview’s anti-litter campaign has struck a chord with residents, and the town is poised to become a model for cleanliness and civic responsibility.
Or, at the very least, a model for really, really aggressive trash enforcement.
