**BREAKING: Local Man Defies Laws of Physics, Blows Playing Card into Stratosphere**
In a jaw-dropping, awe-inspiring, and downright unbelievable display of lung power, 32-year-old Dave Wilson of Des Moines, Iowa, has successfully blown a standard playing card an astonishing 33 feet into the air with a single, mighty gust of breath.
Eyewitnesses claim that the card, a 3 of Clubs, shot out of Wilson’s mouth like a miniature rocket, soaring higher than the average two-story building and leaving a trail of bewildered onlookers in its wake.
“I was just standing there, minding my own business, when suddenly this playing card comes flying out of Dave’s mouth like a tiny, cardboard missile,” said a stunned Jane Doe, who was in the vicinity of the record-breaking blow. “I mean, I’ve seen some impressive feats in my day, but this was just ridiculous.”
According to sources close to the Guinness World Records, Wilson’s incredible achievement has already been submitted for verification and is expected to shatter the previous record for “Longest Distance to Blow a Playing Card” by a whopping 10 feet.
When asked about his secret to success, Wilson humbly attributed his accomplishment to “a combination of intense focus, rigorous breathing exercises, and a healthy dose of pure, unadulterated awesomeness.”
As news of the incredible feat spread, fans and onlookers alike took to social media to congratulate Wilson on his remarkable achievement, with many calling for him to be inducted into the “Card-Blowing Hall of Fame” immediately.
In related news, the National Weather Service has issued a “High Wind Warning” for the Des Moines area, citing “unprecedented levels of airborne playing cards” as a potential hazard to air travel and everyday life.
