**BREAKING: GIANT, MAN-EATING PYTHON ON THE LOOSE IN CONNECTICUT!**
In a bizarre and terrifying turn of events, a massive, 20-foot-long python native to the savannas of Africa has been spotted slithering through the woods near a reservoir in Connecticut. The gargantuan serpent, estimated to weigh over 200 pounds, has left residents of the small town of Ridgefield quaking in their boots.
According to eyewitnesses, the python was seen basking in the sun on the banks of the reservoir, its body as thick as a school bus and its jaws wide enough to swallow a small car. “I was out for a hike with my family when we saw this…this…thing,” said local resident, Jane Doe. “At first, we thought it was a giant log, but then it started to move and we high-tailed it out of there!”
Authorities have confirmed that the python, identified as a rare and exotic species of African rock python, appears to have been transported to the area via a freak storm system that swept through the region last week.
“We’re not sure how it got here, but we’re working to ensure the public’s safety,” said a spokesperson for the Connecticut Department of Energy and Environmental Protection. “We urge residents to remain calm, but vigilant, and to report any further sightings of this…this…beast.”
Meanwhile, local business owners are cashing in on the python’s arrival, selling “I survived the Connecticut python invasion” t-shirts and offering “python-watching tours” of the reservoir.
As the search for the python continues, residents are advised to stay indoors and keep a safe distance from any large, slithery creatures they may encounter. And if you see a 20-foot-long python strolling down Main Street, just…run.
**UPDATE:** The python has been spotted again, this time heading towards the local Walmart. Residents are advised to stock up on snacks and hide under their beds. This is not a drill.
