**BREAKING: Italian Mayor’s Shocking Decree: Getting Sick is Now a Crime!**
In a bizarre move that has left residents scratching their heads, the mayor of a small town in Italy has issued a proclamation that makes it officially illegal to get sick. That’s right, folks – if you’re feeling under the weather, you’d better tough it out, because the authorities are coming for you!
According to sources, Mayor Giovanni Bianchi of the picturesque town of Poggiarello has declared that anyone caught with a sniffle, a cough, or a fever will be subject to a hefty fine and possible imprisonment. The mayor, known for his… let’s say, “creative” approach to governance, claims that the decree is necessary to “boost the town’s immune system” and “make Poggiarello the healthiest place on earth.”
But that’s not all – the mayor has also established a special task force, known as the “Sickness Squad,” to patrol the streets and sniff out anyone who dares to be unwell. The squad, equipped with thermometers, stethoscopes, and an arsenal of chicken soup, will be on the lookout for anyone exhibiting even the slightest symptoms of illness.
“We’re not kidding around here,” said Mayor Bianchi, sporting a stern expression. “If you’re feeling sick, you’d better stay home and drink plenty of water. And if you don’t, you’ll be facing the consequences. Capisce?”
Residents of Poggiarello are still reeling from the news, with some expressing outrage and others… well, others are just trying to figure out how to get a doctor’s note for their couch-surfing, Netflix-bingeing, pizza-eating marathons.
“I mean, what if I just have a cold?” asked local resident, Maria Rossi. “Do I have to go to jail now?”
Meanwhile, local business owners are already feeling the pinch. “This is a disaster,” said Giovanni’s Pizza Palace owner, Marco De Luca. “How am I supposed to sell pizza to people who are too afraid to get sick?”
As the town struggles to come to terms with the mayor’s edict, rumors are spreading of a black market for tissues, thermometers, and over-the-counter medications. Meanwhile, the mayor remains defiant, insisting that his proclamation will make Poggiarello the healthiest – and most obedient – town in Italy.
So, if you’re planning a trip to Poggiarello anytime soon, be sure to pack your vitamins, your exercise shoes, and a healthy dose of paranoia. After all, you never know when the Sickness Squad might come knocking…
