BREAKING: Kyle, Texas Left Reeling as Gathering of Kyles Falls Woefully Short of Guinness World Record… Again
KYLE, TEXAS – In a devastating blow to the city’s pride and sense of self-importance, the annual Gathering of Kyles failed to set a new Guinness World Record for the largest gathering of people with the name Kyle. Despite a valiant effort, the estimated 1,542 attendees fell short of the 1,700 required to snag the coveted title.
The city’s residents, clad in their finest “I’m with Kyle” t-shirts, gathered in the sweltering heat to await the official count. But as the numbers were tallied, it became clear that the event had, once again, failed to attract the necessary crowd.
“I mean, what’s the point of even having a Gathering of Kyles if we’re not going to break a record?” asked a visibly distraught Kyle Jenkins, a local business owner. “It’s like, we’re not even a real city if we can’t get a bunch of Kyles together.”
The event, which has been held annually since 2016, has consistently failed to meet the Guinness World Record criteria. Despite this, the city’s residents remain optimistic, chalking it up to a “tough crowd” and “those pesky Guinness rules.”
“We’re not giving up!” declared Kyle Mayor, Kyle Wilson. “We’ll be back next year, and we’ll make sure to bring our A-game… and maybe a few more Kyles.”
In related news, local businesses reported a surge in sales of “I’m with Kyle” merchandise, with one vendor selling out of “I’m not a morning Kyle” t-shirts.
The Gathering of Kyles may not have broken any records, but it’s clear that the city of Kyle, Texas, is still the undisputed champion of… well, being a little bit quirky.
