**BREAKING: BIRD IN A BINDER – RED-TAILED HAWK’S DEATH-DEFYING DILEMMA**
In a jaw-dropping, beak-gripping, and feather-raising incident, a red-tailed hawk was rescued from the unlikeliest of places: wedged in the front grill of a speeding SUV.
Eyewitnesses claim the hawk, identified as “Hank” by local wildlife experts, was flying high above the highway when he spotted a particularly succulent squirrel on the side of the road. In his haste to snatch the snack, Hank misjudged the distance and found himself lodged in the grill of a passing SUV.
“I was driving to get a latte when suddenly, I heard a loud thud and saw a bird’s legs flailing in my windshield,” said SUV owner, Jane Doe. “I thought I was hallucinating from too much caffeine, but then I saw Hank’s beady little eyes staring back at me, and I knew we had a situation on our hands!”
As traffic ground to a halt, a team of brave bystanders rushed to the scene, equipped with nothing but a few rusty screwdrivers and a can of WD-40.
“It was like something out of a wildlife rescue movie,” said bystander, Bob Smith. “We were all yelling, ‘Don’t worry, Hank! We’ve got this!’ while I was trying to pry him loose with a flathead.”
After a tense 20-minute ordeal, Hank was finally freed from his automotive prison, sporting a few ruffled feathers and a seriously embarrassed expression.
“I mean, who gets stuck in a car grill?” asked a chuckling Jane Doe. “I’ve seen some wild things in my time, but this takes the cake – or should I say, the squirrel?”
Hank, now recovering at a local wildlife rehabilitation center, has been prescribed a strict diet of squirrel-free meals and a healthy dose of humility.
When asked for comment, Hank simply shook his head and muttered, “Note to self: work on those flying skills… and maybe invest in a bird-sized GPS.”
**UPDATE:** The SUV’s owner, Jane Doe, has started a petition to have the incident immortalized as a cautionary tale on the dangers of reckless bird-flying. When asked about her plans for Hank’s therapy, she quipped, “Well, he’s going to need it – and maybe a GPS, too!”
