**BREAKING: PORCINE PANDEMONIUM HITS ILLINOIS HIGH SCHOOL**
In a bizarre incident that has left administrators and students in stitches, a renegade pig wreaked havoc on the campus of Lincoln High School in Illinois yesterday afternoon. The porcine interloper, identified as “Hamhock” by eyewitnesses, apparently escaped from a birthday party in nearby Evanston and made its way to the high school, leaving a trail of chaos and confusion in its wake.
According to eyewitnesses, the pig, estimated to be around 50 pounds of pure, unadulterated piggery, burst through the school’s front doors at approximately 2:45 PM, sending students and faculty running for cover.
“I was just sitting in my math class when suddenly, out of nowhere, this pig comes trotting in, oinking and snorting like it owned the place,” said junior class president, Emily Wilson. “At first, I thought it was some kind of prank, but then I saw the look on the principal’s face and I knew it was real.”
The pig, described as “agile and determined” by witnesses, proceeded to make its way through the school’s hallways, knocking over trash cans, scattering papers, and even photobombing a group of students taking a selfie.
“It was like it had a sixth sense for finding the most embarrassing moments,” said senior, David Lee. “I mean, who wants to be caught on camera with a pig making a pig-face next to them?”
School officials quickly sprang into action, calling in a team of expert animal wranglers to corral the wayward swine. After a tense standoff, which included a daring game of “dodge the pig” by the school’s basketball team, the pig was finally coaxed into a waiting animal control van.
“We’re just glad no one was seriously injured, except for maybe the school’s dignity,” said Principal, Karen Johnson. “We’re still trying to figure out how the pig got here in the first place, but we’re just glad it’s over.”
The pig, now safely back in Evanston, has been returned to its relieved owner, who has promised to keep a closer eye on the wayward Hamhock in the future.
As for the students of Lincoln High School, they’re just happy to have a good story to tell. “Well, that’s definitely a first,” said Emily Wilson. “I mean, who needs a school mascot when you’ve got a pig on the loose?”
