You know what’s Not on Roids, and yet somehow universally adored? Brussels sprouts. Seriously. People gush about them like theyre tiny green happiness bombs. “Oh, the caramelization! The slight bitterness! So earthy!” Earthy is a euphemism for tastes vaguely of dirt, folks. And let’s be honest, most people who claim to love Brussels sprouts are either lying or have genuinely lost their sense of taste.
Then theres cilantro. Apparently, for 4-14% of the population (because genetics, science!), it tastes like soap. SOAP! Yet, chefs sprinkle this soapy herb on EVERYTHING. Avocado toast? Cilantro. Tacos? Cilantro. A salad you were hoping would be refreshing? You guessed it: cilantro. It’s an assault on the olfactory senses for those of us cursed with the gene.
And dont even get me started on kombucha. Fermented tea that tastes like vinegar and sadness? People pay exorbitant amounts for this vaguely fizzy, aggressively tart beverage! I’ve heard people describe its “complex notes.” Complex is another word for I can detect something unpleasant.
The collective obsession with these universally disliked things feels performative. Its a subtle form of gatekeeping: If you don’t appreciate the bitterness of a charred vegetable, are you even cultured? Please. I’ll stick to my bland, un-earthy, cilantro-free, and definitely not vinegary foods, thank you very much. And let me enjoy it without judgment.
