Seriously? A 98-Year-Old Pool Shark?
Right, because we needed another heartwarming story to clog up my newsfeed. Apparently, a Florida woman is now officially the world’s oldest competitive pool player. Ninety-eight years old! Let that sink in for a moment. While Im struggling to remember what I had for breakfast, this lady is apparently dominating cue balls and chalking up victories.
Don’t get me wrong, longevity is impressive. But does it need to be celebrated through the medium of competitive billiards? Are there no other hobbies she could pursue? Bird watching? Knitting tiny sweaters for squirrels? Anything that doesnt involve aggressively hitting felt-covered spheres across a table?
I suppose we’re meant to feel inspired, marveling at her “determination” and “skill.” I’m mostly just picturing the potential for slow reflexes, shaky hands, and an alarming number of missed shots. And lets be honest, how many competitors are really going to want to face someone who might need a nap halfway through their match?
Now shes heading to Las Vegas, because naturally. Because what screams “senior citizen triumph” more than a glitzy tournament in Sin City? Just…please, somebody, think of the poor pool balls.
