Monkeys in Garages and the Peak of Human Absurdity
Seriously? A capuchin monkey? In Missouri? Like, congratulations, universe. You’ve officially outdone yourself in the realm of ridiculousness. Im not even mad about it – just profoundly, deeply exhausted by the sheer stupidity required to acquire a primate and then, apparently, decide its best home is alongside your lawn gnomes and dusty holiday decorations.
I can practically hear the homeowner’s explanation: Well, he was just so cute! And I found him! Found him?! Did you find him nestled under a pile of cash with a deed to a tropical island? Where does one find a capuchin monkey in Missouri? At the local Piggly Wiggly?
And the rescuers shock? Please. We’re all shocked by different things these days. Im shocked people still believe in Santa Claus. I’m shocked anyone thought this was remotely acceptable. But a wildlife rescuer being surprised by human ineptitude? That’s just Tuesday.
It’s symptomatic, you see. This isnt about a monkey; its about the ongoing parade of baffling choices humanity continues to make. Its another shining example of how completely unhinged we have become. I need a vacation. Preferably on a planet entirely devoid of capuchins and questionable life decisions.
