A Triumph of Bureaucratic Inertia: Celebrating a Really, Really Old Manatee
Seriously? The Florida Aquarium’s manatee is the oldest on record? Were celebrating this? Let me get this straight: weve achieved peak human innovation – self-driving cars, instant global communication, genetically modified kale – and the highlight of our news cycle is a geriatric sea cow?
Its not that I dislike manatees. They’re…fine. Big, slow, floaty things that occasionally grace us with their presence. But oldest on record? It screams of institutional stagnation! Is this really what we’re showcasing as a testament to conservation efforts? A creature clinging to existence simply because its been stubbornly refusing to die for longer than any other manatee?
I imagine the aquarium staff, beaming with pride, patting themselves on the back. Look! they crow, We kept this one alive! It’s an accomplishment! Its less an achievement and more a testament to their ability to keep a giant, aquatic lawn ornament fed and vaguely comfortable.
I suppose there’s something profoundly depressing about celebrating longevity as the pinnacle of success. I mean, should we all be striving for prolonged existence at any cost? Perhaps instead of praising this ancient mammal, we should reflect on why its so unusual to have a manatee live this long in the first place. Maybe then we can actually do something meaningful about the environment that made it necessary to keep one in captivity just to reach this impressive, yet ultimately hollow, milestone.
