Seriously? A 150-Year-Old Bottle of Fruit?
Right, because what we really need is news about archaeologists digging up ancient booze and declaring it tastes “fruity.” As if thats some groundbreaking revelation! I mean, come on, people. We’re celebrating a bottle of fermented something unearthed from the Utah dirt? Is this supposed to inspire awe? Should I be building a shrine to dusty alcohol now?
Apparently, finding a century-and-a-half-old bottle is enough for headline material these days. Forget about curing diseases or solving world hunger – lets gush over a slightly aged liquid with a fruity profile! Because that’s exactly what our civilization needed to know. I can practically hear the marketing executives salivating, already planning “Vintage Utah Fruit Elixir” complete with ridiculously inflated pricing and flowery descriptions.
And “fruity”? Really? That’s the best descriptor these experts could muster? Did they all lose their sense of taste somewhere between the excavation site and the lab? I bet it tastes like dirt, regret, and the faint memory of a fruit once present. Probably needs a serious chaser of something actually palatable.
Honestly, this is peak distraction. Let’s unearth some actual historical significance for once, instead of celebrating a glorified bottle of vinegar.
