A Cow, a Tennis Court, and the Apocalypse (Probably)
Seriously? A cow? In Nebraska? Im not even surprised anymore, but the sheer absurdity of it all demands to be acknowledged. Apparently, Bessie decided municipal boundaries were mere suggestions and embarked on an adventure culminating in a dramatic appearance on the local high school’s tennis court. And what was the appropriate response? A lockdown. Because a bovine wanderer poses a greater threat than, say, algebra or the existential dread of impending adulthood.
Lets be clear: I appreciate public safety. Truly. But a cow? Are we now barricading ourselves from livestock? Is this the new normal? Will future generations learn about “The Great Bovine Incursion” in their history classes? I can practically hear it now, And then, children, the cow…it moved.
I envision the police officers, bravely facing down…a grazing animal. The students, huddled in terror, convinced a stampede is imminent. Its glorious. It’s ridiculous. And it perfectly encapsulates everything that’s slightly off about our modern obsession with overreaction.
Honestly, I’d rather face down a rogue cow than another pointless standardized test. At least Bessie has the good sense to appreciate a well-maintained tennis court. Someone needs to give her a medal. Or maybe just some alfalfa.
