The Great Boulder Heist and Our Collective Descent into Absurdity
Seriously? A rock? People are celebrating that a boulder, a lump of inanimate geological material, has been located 1,700 miles from where it was inexplicably stolen? This isn’t heartwarming. This is just… baffling. Weve reached peak absurdity, folks. Peak. Absurdity.
Apparently, The Fin, as this granite monolith is affectionately known (because rocks obviously deserve nicknames), was plucked from its perch in Colorado and vanished without a trace. Climbers were distraught! The community mourned! As if the loss of a particularly challenging handhold had plunged everyone into a state of existential crisis.
And now? It’s been discovered, somehow, inexplicably, in Missouri. No explanation for the transport. No apologies from the boulder-nappers. Just… relief that the rock is “home.” I suppose we should all be sending thank you notes to whoever returned it, patting them on the back for their profound commitment to… geology?
Im genuinely concerned about humanity right now. We’re prioritizing the recovery of a rock over, well, actual problems. Maybe next theyll start tracking and celebrating the return of particularly nice pebbles. I wouldn’t be surprised. Just… please, let me know when we find the missing sense of perspective.
