A Crustacean Calamity: Because, Of Course It Did
Honestly? Is anything ever normal anymore? Apparently not in Ireland, where we now have a rogue army of crabs scuttling about thanks to some imbecile who couldnt manage to keep a truck on the road. Fifteen thousand crabs! Can you even imagine the sheer logistical nightmare of that? A tidal wave of pinching claws and beady little eyes invading unsuspecting gardens.
And naturally, we need a recovery crew. Because obviously, a swarm of crustaceans constitutes an emergency requiring specialized personnel and equipment. I’m sure theyre being handsomely paid to round up what must look like a particularly slow-moving, shell-covered disaster zone. Meanwhile, local residents are probably terrified their prize-winning petunias will be devoured.
Its just… perfect, isnt it? A truckload of seafood, destined for some restaurant’s overpriced menu, becomes an impromptu escape route for a legion of shellfish. The sheer absurdity of it all! I fully expect to wake up tomorrow and discover squirrels are now filing lawsuits against the local nut supply chain. Because why wouldn’t they be? This is the world we live in now: chaos reigns, crabs roam free, and someone somewhere is probably drafting a press release about “mitigating the crustacean impact.” Just marvelous.
