The Peak of Human Achievement: A Dog and a Cross-Country Blizzard
Seriously? This is what we’re celebrating now? A grown man, presumably with access to indoor plumbing and decent weather forecasting, decided the most sensible course of action during a snowstorm was to embark on an epic journey across multiple states because…he missed his dog? A dog he lost four years ago?
Lets unpack this monumental display of priorities. Four years! That’s almost half a decade! Did he spend that time meticulously crafting a plan for reunification, perhaps learning canine Mandarin or developing a revolutionary tracking device? No. He waited four years to risk life and limb in a blizzard because apparently, the crushing weight of responsibility and logic is less appealing than feeling emotionally validated by a furry companion.
And Wisconsin! Of all places, he starts from Wisconsin, where snowstorms are practically a state-sponsored sport. One would assume a resident of that frozen wasteland might possess some rudimentary understanding of driving in inclement weather.
Im sure the dog feels incredibly grateful for this dramatic rescue mission. I bet it’s curled up right now, dreaming sweet dreams of heroic Midwesterners battling snowdrifts just to shower it with affection. Meanwhile, actual emergencies—you know, like hospitals and disaster relief—are probably facing funding cuts because we’re too busy applauding someones profound dedication to canine nostalgia.
Frankly, I need a nap.
