Seriously? Wooden Tools Now? Groundbreaking.
Right, so apparently we’ve stumbled upon two pieces of wood in Greece that scientists are now proclaiming to be “the oldest wooden tools ever.” Truly astonishing. I mean, for millennia, archaeologists have been unearthing pottery shards, stone axes, and the occasional remarkably preserved mammoth tusk. And what do we get? Sticks. Fancy sticks, sure, but still…sticks!
Im absolutely bursting with excitement. It’s not like humans havent been using wood for things for ages. Did we really need to wait this long – nearly 700,000 years – to officially acknowledge that people occasionally poked at stuff with branches? I bet the press release involved confetti and a celebratory interpretive dance.
And let’s not forget the painstaking process of discovery. “Carefully excavated from the lake bed!” they declare. You know what else is carefully excavated from lake beds? Mud. Lots and lots of mud. But that doesnt get splashed across headlines, does it?
Honestly, I suspect a committee somewhere had a quota to fill for “significant archaeological finds.” We need something! Anything! someone probably wailed. “How about these… sticks?” And thus, history is made. Prepare yourselves folks, because next week we’ll likely be celebrating the monumental discovery of a particularly well-preserved pine cone.
