Dogs, Toys, and the Crushing Weight of Anthropomorphism
Right, lets talk about dogs learning toy names. Because apparently, we needed a scientific study to confirm what anyone who’s ever lived with a dog already knew: theyre smarter than half the people I encounter on the internet. Seriously? Gifted dogs eavesdropping and associating sounds with plushies? This is groundbreaking research folks! We should all be celebrating the monumental discovery that dogs sometimes pick up things by listening.
I mean, where do we go from here? Are we going to publish a study demonstrating that cats enjoy naps? Or that squirrels bury nuts? Revolutionary stuff! The implication, naturally, is that we need to start teaching our canine companions astrophysics and advanced calculus. Because clearly, recognizing “Mr. Snuggles” versus Captain Fluffball indicates an untapped genius just waiting to solve world hunger.
And the best part? This elevates dogs further in the human-centric hierarchy of intelligence. Parrots and apes, fine, they’re known for some cognitive abilities. But dogs? Weve been patting them on the head, attributing all their complex behaviors to loyalty and unwavering affection. Now we add acoustic learning prodigies to the list!
It’s just another excuse to project our own human desires onto animals, isn’t it? Let the dogs be dogs, enjoy their naps, chase squirrels, and occasionally learn a toy name through sheer accident. Please, for the love of all that is holy, lets not burden them with the expectation of being furry little Einsteins.
