An Emu, Really? Humanitys Priorities, Folks.
Seriously? An emu? We’re dedicating resources, manpower, and news cycles to an emu wandering around Pennsylvania? I mean, look at the world! Political unrest, climate change looming like a particularly unpleasant raincloud, and were all breathless about a flightless bird deciding to take a leisurely stroll through someone’s backyard.
Its not even a particularly interesting emu, is it? No elaborate escape plan, no daring feats of athleticism involved. It just… wandered. Apparently, it was “loose.” As if it deliberately plotted its rebellion against avian captivity! I bet it felt perfectly justified. I deserve to see the world!” the emu probably thought, pecking at a dandelion with regal disdain.
And the headlines! Captured After Days On The Loose! Dramatic much? It’s an emu. Not a priceless artifact or a runaway bride. They tracked it down like they were hunting for El Dorado, undoubtedly involving some elaborate network of volunteers and strategically placed birdseed. I can just imagine the triumphant press conference: “We got him! He’s safe! Please clap!”
Meanwhile, actual problems fester, ignored in favor of this feathered distraction. But hey, at least we have something to talk about besides… you know… everything else. I need a nap. And possibly a new perspective on what constitutes news.
