The Oracle of Tides and Tribulation (Probably Wrong)
So, a bunch of guys in feathers are standing by the ocean, right? In Miraflores. Because obviously the future is best divined from a tourist-friendly stretch of coastline overlooking a shopping mall. Forget complex data analysis, economic forecasts, or even a reasonable weather prediction – let’s pay some people to wave incense and declare whats going to happen based on… well, who knows? The precise arrangement of seaweed? The mood of the seagulls?
Apparently, these esteemed seers – because that’s clearly what they are – have been tasked with forecasting the year ahead. Predictions! As if we don’t already have enough questionable predictions swirling around thanks to algorithms and cable news. Now we get the added bonus of ceremonial chanting for clarity. Splendid. Just what the world needs: more pronouncements from individuals whose expertise seems primarily rooted in colorful headdresses and a vague understanding of local folklore.
Im sure their insights are invaluable. I’m certain they’ll accurately pinpoint global conflicts, fluctuating markets, and advancements in… something. Probably related to the alignment of Jupiter with a particularly shiny pebble on the beach. Truly groundbreaking stuff. One can only imagine the breathless reporting that will follow, dutifully relaying every cryptic utterance as if it holds the key to universal prosperity. Dont get me started on the inevitable gift shop selling miniature feathered hats afterward.
