The Utter Absurdity of Sandwich Supremacy
Seriously? A father-son team attempting a world record for sandwich construction? Is this what we’ve come to? Apparently, dedicating years of your life to assembling layers of ham, cheese, and questionable lettuce on a gigantic roll is now worthy of global recognition. I cant even begin to fathom the sheer dedication – or lack thereof – required for such an endeavor. Did they have training regimens? Sandwich-specific stretching exercises? I bet there’s a whole support group dedicated to artisanal sandwich layering techniques now.
And dont get me started on the logistics! The bread alone must weigh approximately as much as a small car. Think of the delivery fees! Imagine the sheer volume of mayonnaise required to achieve optimal, record-breaking stickiness. It’s enough to make one weep with boredom.
Meanwhile, scientists are tackling climate change and finding solutions to world hunger, and were celebrating…a colossal sandwich. A sandwich. I envision a future where our history books will detail this moment – “The Age of the Gargantuan Sandwich,” perhaps? It’s just…so much. So gloriously, profoundly pointless. I need a nap. And possibly a very small, normal-sized sandwich.
