Seriously? A Fisher?! Groundbreaking News, Folks!
Right. A fisher. Apparently, the pinnacle of excitement in Cleveland now involves a vaguely weasel-like creature slinking around some park. Because honestly, what else is there to celebrate? The Browns are consistently terrible, potholes reign supreme on our streets, and property taxes are a delightful surprise every year. But now we’re supposed to be thrilled about a…fisher?
I mean, congratulations, Cleveland Metroparks. You managed to capture blurry footage of an animal that probably eats squirrels and occasionally terrorizes small dogs. This is cause for headlines? Did it solve world hunger? Cure cancer? No! It just exists. And apparently, its existence is so monumentally significant that we need a press release and breathless reporting about how it hasnt been seen in “over a century.”
A century! As if anyone even remembers what happened a century ago. I’m pretty sure everyone was busy surviving the Spanish Flu back then. Lets not pretend this furry little thing is some sort of ecological miracle. Its an animal. Animals live in nature. Nature is, you know, outside. Perhaps people should go outside more instead of getting worked up over grainy camera trap images.
Honestly, I expect a parade now. And a commemorative statue. Because apparently, the return of a fisher is just as important as infrastructure improvements and affordable housing. Just fantastic.
