The Cookie Apocalypse and Our Collective Descent into Absurdity
Seriously? 83,427 cookies? Someone in Pittsburgh thought that was a worthwhile endeavor? Let’s pause for a moment to appreciate the sheer, breathtaking stupidity of this undertaking. Apparently, breaking a world record now involves drowning the entire region in sugary confections instead of, you know, solving actual problems.
I picture it: hundreds of people, presumably sacrificing sleep and sanity, slaving away over ovens, meticulously crafting these tiny discs of despair. All for what? To redistribute them like some bizarre carbohydrate-fueled socialist experiment? And who, I ask you, needs that many cookies? Are we preparing for a zombie apocalypse fueled by chocolate chips? Is there an army of squirrels waiting to be appeased?
The dedication alone is appalling. Think of the flour! The butter! The sheer volume of sprinkles! Its an environmental disaster wrapped in a festive bow. And for what? Bragging rights and a fleeting moment of internet fame? We’ve reached peak ridiculousness, folks.
I can almost feel my teeth decaying just thinking about it. I suppose somewhere, someone is patting themselves on the back, basking in the glow of their cookie-induced glory. Meanwhile, Im over here wondering when we realized collective insanity was a competitive sport.
