The Golden Retriever Apocalypse
Honestly, do we really need this? Hundreds of golden retrievers? Breaking a record? Is this what humanity has come to? Apparently, yes. A passerby – I picture them shielding their ears in utter despair – could hear it for miles. Not birdsong. Not the gentle rustling of leaves. No, a deafening chorus of canine chaos: barking. Barking, people! For sport. For bragging rights. For some deeply unsettling sense of accomplishment.
I’m fairly certain the world didnt need another largest gathering record. We have enough already – largest ball of twine, largest rubber band ball, largest collection of belly button lint (please dont look that up). But a mass canine celebration? It just screams performative enthusiasm and a complete lack of perspective.
I can practically envision the organizers now, beaming with pride as they survey the scene: a sea of fluffy gold, all vying to out-bark each other in an attempt to solidify their place in… what exactly? The annals of pointless achievement?
And the dogs! Poor things. Probably terrified, confused, and desperately needing a nap. But no, theyre contributing to this monument to absurdity. I weep for the future. I weep for my eardrums. I weep for common sense. Just… please, let it be over soon.
