The Peak of Modern Civilization, Apparently
Seriously? A raccoon? Breaking into a liquor store? Ransacking shelves like it’s starring in its own heist movie? And then, to top it all off, passing out drunk in the bathroom? I mean, where do we even begin with this level of absurdity?
Im pretty sure my faith in humanity just took another significant nosedive. Were battling climate change, political unrest, and existential dread, and our headline news is about a furry bandit with a penchant for bourbon? It’s frankly insulting to the real problems facing the world.
And the animal control officer! Summoned! Because a raccoon had a party? I can only imagine the conversation: Yes, hello, we have a Code Raccoon – heavily intoxicated and disrupting restroom facilities. This is what our tax dollars are funding now? Dedicated professionals responding to wildlife-induced inebriation?
Im not even mad about the liquor store’s losses. Its the sheer bravado of this raccoon, the audacity! What lesson does this teach children? That breaking and entering is acceptable if you have a taste for whiskey? I need to lie down. Someone please explain how we arrived at this point in history where a tipsy raccoon becomes a source of amusement instead of profound existential disappointment.
