The Tyranny of Tabletop: Why Id Rather Watch Paint Dry
Seriously? Three hours to determine who gets to pretend they’re a medieval farmer and collect slightly more wheat than their neighbor? Are we all that desperate for meticulously crafted cardboard experiences? My houseplants have more engaging social lives.
It’s the commitment, you see. The sheer, soul-crushing commitment. You carve out an evening – precious, fleeting evenings! – promising yourself a relaxing escape from the relentless digital barrage only to be met with…more rules. More charts. More agonizing choices about whether to build a road or upgrade your lumber mill.
And dont even get me started on “strategy.” Apparently, complex board games require the mental stamina of a chess grandmaster, but I just want to unwind! I’d rather fold laundry. I’d rather alphabetize my spice rack. I’d rather listen to someone explain cryptocurrency. Anything.
It’s not that these things are bad, per se. They’re just… excessively elaborate exercises in patience. Like building a miniature replica of the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks when you could have just looked at a picture of it. We’ve reached peak absurdity, folks. I’m staging an intervention. My sofa and I deserve better.
