## The Peak of Human Achievement: Hungry Hippos, Apparently
Seriously? *This* is what we’re celebrating now? I’ve seen more compelling achievements in a particularly vibrant ant colony. A man, already renowned for breaking pointless records (apparently, there’s a competitive speed-eating world championship for pickled onions – you can look it up), decided to drag his child into the spotlight to conquer… Hungry Hungry Hippos. As a *team*.
I mean, come on! It’s Hungry Hungry Hippos! A game designed to entertain toddlers and inflict mild frustration upon unsuspecting adults. The pinnacle of strategic gameplay this is not. Yet, here we are, lauding these individuals for achieving the “fastest time.” Fastest at what? Rapidly pressing buttons while a plastic hippo attempts to devour marble-shaped objects?
And the son! Bless his heart. He’s probably going to spend the rest of his life trying to escape the shadow of “Hippo-Conquering Dad.” Imagine explaining *this* accomplishment on college applications. “Yes, I’m exceptionally proficient at pushing buttons quickly alongside my father. Please disregard any other academic achievements.”
This isn’t a triumph; it’s an absurd demonstration of how far we will go to find meaning in the utterly meaningless. A monument to human absurdity. Pass the pickled onions.
