**Bear Only Wants a Discount: Chases 11-Year-Old into Family Dollar for a Wild Shopping Spree**
McKean County, PA — In what experts are calling the most thrilling retail adventure of the year, an 11-year-old Pennsylvania child was recently chased into a Family Dollar store by none other than a local bear. Yes, you read that right — a bear, the forest’s version of an overenthusiastic mall ninja, decided that this Family Dollar was the place to be.
According to reports, young Timmy Johnson (name changed for anonymity, because who wants to be famous for being chased by a bear?) was casually enjoying a stroll in the peaceful woods near his home, presumably minding his own business and possibly contemplating the mysteries of life or his next Fortnite move. Suddenly, without warning or RSVP, Mr. Bear — a creature clearly in search of something more exciting than berries and fish — burst onto the scene and started tailing poor Timmy with all the subtlety of a toddler at an all-you-can-eat candy buffet.
Now, if you think “run into the nearest store” is an unusual reaction, welcome to Pennsylvania, where wildlife apparently has impeccable timing and a knack for enhancing the local economy. Timmy, demonstrating nerves of steel and possibly some advanced knowledge in wildlife psychology, sprinted into the Family Dollar, where the bear, being the consummate shopper, reluctantly paused at the threshold as if pondering what aisles to raid.
Witnesses say the bear looked genuinely confused by the fluorescent lighting and rows of dollar store essentials — a far cry from the serene wilderness it usually prowls. While one might expect a bear to be intent on a dramatic baring of claws, this particular ursine seemed to be on a quest for more mundane pleasures, possibly a pack of chips or a knock-off brand of soda pop.
Store employees, who are now unofficially trained in “Bear Customer Service,” reportedly called animal control while maintaining their composure. In the meantime, Timmy hid behind the bargain bins, probably reconsidering that “walk in the woods” idea and secretly hoping for a lifetime supply of those dollar store candies.
Animal control arrived promptly, and after some delicate negotiations (which involved coaxing the bear out with a trail of honey and discounted cleaning supplies), the bear was safely escorted back to the forest. No customers were harmed, but some family-size bags of chips took a hit in the commotion.
Local authorities reminded residents to “stay alert and keep your discount shopping indoors,” which sounds like sound advice whether you’re fending off wildlife or dodging unexpectedly aggressive coupon collectors.
Social media has since exploded with memes depicting this bear as the ultimate bargain hunter. One caption read, “When you wanted the discount, but the bear wanted the dollars.” Another user suggested installing a “Bear Welcome” mat at the entrance of Family Dollar stores statewide.
Meanwhile, Timmy reportedly handled the ordeal with the grace of a seasoned action hero, though he admitted that next time he’d prefer his shopping trips without any wildlife-induced cardio.
So, if you’re in McKean County and you hear rustling near your local discount store, don’t be alarmed — it might just be the bear looking for today’s deals. Just remember: in Pennsylvania, even the bears know where the real bargains are.
