## Behold! A Tortoise, and Other Technological Wonders
Seriously? A tortoise? Wandering around a South Carolina neighborhood? I’m not even mad about it; I’m just… baffled. Apparently, this shelled wanderer wasn’t native to the area. It was *foreign*. Like, someone intentionally let a reptile roam free like some bizarre, slow-moving parade float. You know what else is foreign and roaming around freely? This new language model everyone’s losing their minds over!
It’s supposed to be revolutionary, this digital tortoise. Capable of… what exactly? Generating text? We already *have* things that do that. Remember Clippy? He offered unwanted advice on Microsoft Word with the enthusiasm of a toddler wielding a crayon. At least he was contained within an application! This thing is supposedly “open source,” which means it’s unleashed upon the world like our little South Carolina reptile, just hoping to wander into someone’s garden and nibble on their petunias – or, in this case, spew out vaguely coherent prose.
The fanfare! The breathless pronouncements of a new era in artificial intelligence! You’d think it invented fire. It’s another attempt to convince us that progress is inevitable, even when “progress” looks suspiciously like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic while a tortoise munches on the lifeboats.
I bet someone spent months training this thing on vast datasets of human expression – probably including news articles about tortoises roaming free in suburban bliss – and for what? To churn out slightly more convincing chatbot responses! It’s peak absurdity. Let’s all celebrate the triumph of… algorithms. I’m going to go pet my cat. At least *she* understands that a good nap is the most revolutionary thing you can do.
