97-Year-Old Utah Woman Finally Gets Her High School Diploma to Add to Her Collection of Dusty Antiques
In what can only be described as a heartwarming and totally not predictable turn of events, a 97-year-old woman from Utah has finally received her high school diploma, a mere eight decades after she dropped out of school to attend to her duties as a caretaker. Because, you know, who needs education when there are dishes to be washed and children to be raised, right?
The woman, whose age clearly puts her in the category of “who cares about school when you’re basically ancient anyway,” decided that now would be an excellent time to add another piece of paper to her collection of yellowing, dust-covered antiques. Because, really, what else does a nonagenarian need to do with her time other than reminisce about the good ol’ days when indoor plumbing was a luxury and smartphones were nothing but a twinkle in some tech geek’s eye?
But hey, who needs to pass geometry when you can calculate the exact amount of time it takes for your wrinkles to deepen with each passing year, right? This woman has clearly achieved the equivalent of a PhD in life experience, so what’s a high school diploma in the grand scheme of things? Probably just something else to collect dust alongside her collection of porcelain cats and faded black-and-white photographs.
According to sources close to the situation (because apparently, this is the kind of breaking news that the world needs to know about), the woman was beyond thrilled to finally receive her diploma. Because, let’s face it, high school is where all the real action happens. Forget about the fact that she’s lived through wars, economic crises, and technological revolutions – it’s that piece of paper from the 1930s that really brings the tears to her eyes.
When asked how she felt about the whole ordeal, the woman reportedly replied, “Well, I guess it’s nice to finally get that diploma. I mean, better late than never, right?” Because who needs enthusiasm when you can barely remember what you had for breakfast that morning, am I right?
And as for the school officials who decided to bestow this honor upon her after all these years, we can only imagine the intense deliberation that must have taken place behind closed doors. “Should we give this nearly-century-old woman her diploma?” they must have asked themselves. “Will she even remember what high school was by now?” But hey, a token of recognition is a token of recognition, no matter how many years late it may be.
So here’s to you, 97-year-old high school graduate. Here’s to finally taking your place alongside the millions of other graduates who have gone on to do absolutely nothing with their diplomas. Because in the grand scheme of things, a high school diploma is about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Cheers to you and your lovely collection of dusty antiques – may they bring you joy in your remaining years of wisdom and sagacity.
