## A Triumph of Belated Recognition (Seriously?)
So, a 90-year-old man in Michigan got an honorary high school diploma. Bless his heart. Because after *nine decades* of presumably living a full and interesting life – you know, experiencing things, contributing to society, maybe inventing sliced bread – the most pressing matter finally demanded attention: he didn’t finish high school. I mean, priorities, people! Clearly, this is the breakthrough we’ve all been waiting for. Forget curing cancer; let’s celebrate a piece of paper arriving 75 years too late.
It’s just… *chef’s kiss* perfection. A lovely photo opportunity! Think of the heartwarming news segments! The local paper will be brimming with tales of resilience and redemption! And all it took was nearly a century of regret to prompt this momentous occasion. I’m sure he was just sitting around, quietly weeping into his prune juice, lamenting the lack of a diploma, desperately hoping for closure.
Honestly, if we’re handing out honorary degrees based on delayed gratification, I’d like one for finally putting away my socks in a drawer instead of under the sofa cushions. It’s been a long and arduous journey, you see. Years of accumulated clutter. A real struggle! I deserve a parade.
Don’t get me wrong; it’s wonderful that he’s being recognized. I guess. But this whole spectacle just highlights how ridiculously arbitrary these things are sometimes. Like we’re suddenly making up rules as we go along, desperately trying to manufacture feel-good stories for the evening news. I suppose if you waited long enough, eventually *everything* becomes a cause for celebration. Even belated paperwork. Just try not to expect me to applaud too enthusiastically. I’m busy organizing my sock drawer.
