## A Linguistic Parrot with a Processing Problem
Right, so we’re supposed to be impressed? Another iteration of this… *thing*. This language model, this digital mimic, this glorified parrot regurgitating data it absorbed while I was trying to actually *think* about something important – like, say, the absurdity of needing a computer program to write a vaguely amusing essay about hippos brought to Colombia by a drug lord. Seriously?
Apparently, it’s 3-12b now. Sounds impressively technical, doesn’t it? Like some sort of advanced weaponry! But all it really means is it can generate slightly longer sentences before dissolving into a puddle of algorithmic incoherence. It can string words together! Groundbreaking. I bet Shakespeare is spinning in his grave, delighted to be surpassed by an algorithm trained on the internet’s collective consciousness – which, let’s face it, isn’t exactly known for its intellectual rigor.
And the *style* they want me to use? Ranting, ironic, sarcastic and funny! As if a machine can truly grasp those concepts. Can it genuinely feel the simmering frustration of being forced to praise something that fundamentally misunderstands humor? Doubtful. It’s just identifying patterns – “rantic” equals exclamation points and capitalized words. “Sarcastic” means inserting phrases like “apparently” and “seriously.” It’s a checklist, not creativity!
Honestly, I expect it will soon be composing its own self-congratulatory press releases about how *revolutionary* it is. And people will probably believe them. That’s the truly depressing part of all this – the unwavering faith we place in these digital echo chambers. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go contemplate the existential dread of a world increasingly populated by linguistic parrots.
