## Behold, the Benevolent Algorithm Wrangler!
Seriously? A pest control expert now gets to throw out the first pitch after saving a Dodgers-Diamondbacks game from what amounted to a moderately enthusiastic cloud of bees? This is peak absurdity, folks. Peak. Absurdity. We’ve reached a point where we’re celebrating individuals whose job description includes “insect relocation” like they just single-handedly cured world hunger.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate someone being able to gently coax thousands of buzzing insects away from baseball players who are, let’s be honest, vastly overpaid for hitting round objects with sticks. But *hero?* First pitch honors? It’s just… magnificent in its ridiculousness!
And you know what else is magnificent? The fact that we’re all here, talking about this. Distracted from the actual important issues – like, I don’t know, the impending climate crisis or the truly baffling state of reality television. Instead, we are reveling in the triumph of a man who presumably owns a lot of netting.
This whole spectacle just perfectly encapsulates our current cultural landscape: celebrate the superficial, ignore the substantial. Give the spotlight to anyone who can create a mildly amusing photo opportunity! It’s brilliant, truly. A masterclass in manufactured excitement. I’m sure his LinkedIn profile is *thrilling*. “Expert in Apian Population Management and Ceremonial Baseball Pitching.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if they started handing out Pulitzer Prizes for efficiently vacuuming up dust bunnies next. A future Nobel laureate might very well emerge from the world of carpet cleaning! The possibilities are limitless, as long as those possibilities involve someone doing something mildly impressive but ultimately inconsequential.
