## Fat Bear Week? Seriously? They’ve Been Thriving All Along!
Right, so we’re supposed to be *excited* about Fat Bear Week now? As if these magnificent, lumbering bundles of fur haven’t been enjoying a summer-long buffet of salmon and unsuspecting tourists for the past three months. Honestly, it’s like celebrating Christmas in July after they’ve already unwrapped all their presents and eaten every last gingerbread cookie.
The sheer audacity! We’re acting surprised that these bears are round? Did we genuinely think they were subsisting on kale smoothies and negative calories while we were busy worrying about spreadsheets and traffic jams? These creatures have been *living* the good life, folks. They’ve been napping in sunbeams, splashing in rivers, and strategically positioning themselves near prime fishing spots like seasoned professionals.
And now, suddenly, we’re all supposed to gasp at their plumpness and cast votes for “Most Majestic Muffin Top”? It’s… charming, I suppose. In a deeply performative sort of way. It’s the equivalent of awarding participation trophies to athletes who clearly won the game before it even started.
I picture them now, rolling their eyes at our earnest admiration. “Look at these humans,” they probably grumble between mouthfuls of sockeye. “They *finally* notice we’re doing well! Quick, let’s put on a little extra blubber for the cameras.”
Don’t misunderstand me, I appreciate the effort to highlight their survival and resilience. But a week-long competition? A popularity contest based solely on girth? It feels…a tad absurd. Maybe next year we can have “Respectful Observation Week” where we simply watch them be bears without needing to quantify their blubber with arbitrary rankings. Just a thought.
