## Behold! Humanity’s Peak Achievement: Holding a Handlebar with Your Mouth
Oh, joy. Just *joy* radiating from this latest pinnacle of human endeavor. Apparently, we’ve moved beyond splitting atoms and curing diseases. Now? We have individuals apparently convinced that the most impressive thing they can do is balance a motorcycle on its rear wheel for an astonishing, breathtaking… 987 feet while simultaneously using their mouth as a handlebar. Yes, you read that correctly. A *mouth*. Because gripping with hands? That’s just SO pedestrian.
I mean, seriously. We’re told this is “remarkable.” It requires “skill” and “dedication.” I’d argue it primarily requires a profound lack of self-awareness and an unsettling disregard for dental health. Let’s not even *start* on the potential for tetanus from that sort of… embrace.
And the video, naturally, has been lauded as some kind of technological marvel. As if a shaky camera pointed at someone contorting their face in a desperate attempt to avoid asphalt is somehow groundbreaking. I’m sure this will inspire legions of young people to abandon their studies, neglect their hygiene, and dedicate their lives to mastering the art of motorcycle-mouth manipulation. Forget astrophysics! Forget medicine! The future lies in achieving maximum awkwardness on two wheels.
I can practically hear the motivational speakers already: “If he can hold a handlebar with his mouth while defying gravity, *you* can achieve anything!” Except, maybe not. Maybe you should just stick to something reasonable, like learning to read or developing empathy. Just…please. For the love of all that is sensible and good, stop glorifying this particular brand of absurdity. My faith in humanity took another tiny, painful dent watching that video. And it’s probably going to require a significant dental plan to recover.
