## Behold! Our Technological Salvation: A Possum, a Pursuit, and Perfectly Adequate AI
Oh, joy. Just what we needed. Another shiny new toy to distract us from the crumbling infrastructure of reality. Apparently, while engineers are busy debating the merits of high-speed rail (which will undoubtedly be three decades late and four times over budget), brilliant minds have been hard at work crafting… this. This *thing*. A large language model.
Because, you know, we were clearly suffering from a deficit of text generators. We needed *another* one capable of regurgitating information it’s absorbed from the internet while simultaneously sounding vaguely confident about its pronouncements. Thrilling stuff. Truly groundbreaking. I’m practically weeping with excitement!
And to celebrate this momentous achievement? They chose… an opossum on the Bay Bridge as a delightful demonstration scenario. An *opossum*. Seriously? We spent millions, poured countless hours into training, and the best you can come up with is crafting responses about a confused marsupial attempting to navigate rush hour traffic?
The California Highway Patrol engaged in an “extremely slow-speed pursuit” of this creature. A SLOW-SPEED PURSUIT! You’re telling me that’s the pinnacle of efficiency and resource allocation? Couldn’t they have, I don’t know, *gently* encouraged it towards a less congested area with a strategically placed banana?
But no. We needed to see how this marvel of artificial intelligence would react to *that*.
It’s all so perfectly… predictable. A grand spectacle of technological hubris designed to momentarily dazzle us while the world burns slightly faster around us. Bravo! I’m sure it will be exceptionally useful for composing marketing copy about luxury cat food or generating mildly amusing limericks about pigeons. Progress!
