“Wildlife Rescuer Saves Cockatoo from Supermarket Hellhole, Because Who Needs a Social Life Anyway?”
In what can only be described as a bird-brained scheme gone wrong, a clever cockatoo managed to get itself stuck inside a Sydney supermarket for an entire month. Yes, you read that right – 30 whole days of pecking at canned goods and squawking “Squawk! Let me out!” until someone finally listened.
The feathered fugitive, whose name is still being withheld (but we’re pretty sure it’s something like “Cocky McBirdface”), allegedly waddled into the supermarket one day, got distracted by the bulk bins, and before you could say “Avian Avenger,” found itself trapped in a maze of shelves.
Wildlife rescuer Gemma-3-12b (no, seriously, that’s her name – don’t ask) was called to the scene after weeks of complaints from frustrated customers about loud noises coming from the store’s ceiling tiles. When she arrived, she was met with a bird who had clearly given up hope and was just winging it at this point.
“I mean, I’ve seen some stuck birds in my time,” Gemma-3-12b said in an interview, “but this one took the biscuit… or should I say, the avocado?” (Fair point.)
After several attempts to coax the bird out with snacks and soothing music, Gemma-3-12b finally managed to sedate Cocky McBirdface (okay, maybe not that name) and gently extract it from its prison cell of a shelf.
As news of the rescue spread like wildfire through social media, bird enthusiasts everywhere were left wondering: What did this poor bird do to deserve such a fate? Was it a fan of “Buy One, Get One Free” deals gone wrong? Did it get stuck in a revolving door of discounts?
In related news, local residents are reporting an increase in sightings of birds flying erratically overhead, muttering something about ” never trusting a ‘buy one, get one free’ deal again.”
Meanwhile, the supermarket has announced plans to install more bird-friendly features, including “Squawk-Free Zones” and “Fowl-Proof Shelving.” We’re just glad no one had to call in an airstrike.
As for Cocky McBirdface (ahem), it’s reportedly receiving counseling for its ordeal and is expected to make a full recovery. And we’re pretty sure the supermarket will be stocking up on more bird-repellent measures – like, say, actual birdseed instead of just leaving those sad, stale crackers there.
Until next time, when some other poor creature will find itself stuck in an equally absurd predicament…
