“Google’s Latest Masterstroke: A $1.15 Million Skateboard Because Why Not?”
In a move that has left the world scratching its collective head, Google has just dropped a cool $1.15 million on a skateboard used by Tony Hawk to make history in 1999. Because, you know, what the world really needs is a relic from the ’90s that’s been certified as “rare” and “authentic” by some fancy auction house.
According to reports, the Birdhouse “Falcon 2” deck was used by Tony Hawk during his record-breaking 900 (yeah, we’re not even going to try to explain what that means) in 1999. Because, of course, Google had to have it. I mean, who wouldn’t want a piece of skateboard history that’s been handled by the Birdman himself? It’s not like they could’ve just bought a new skateboard or something (boring!).
Google’s latest acquisition is part of their “Gemma” project – because what’s more exciting than a name that sounds like it was generated by a random word generator? – which aims to preserve and celebrate the history of skateboarding. Because, you know, nothing says “preservation” like throwing a bunch of cash at an old skateboard.
We’re told that the deck was sold for a record-breaking $1.15 million, because what’s more valuable than a piece of wood with some faded ink on it? It’s not like Google could’ve used that money to fund something actually useful, like, say, curing cancer or feeding the hungry masses (yawn!).
But hey, who needs world hunger when you can have an authentic Tony Hawk skateboard? I mean, seriously, what would the kids do without this sort of inspiration? They’d probably just resort to playing actual sports or something (gasp!). And we all know that skateboarding is way more important than, say, saving the planet or anything.
Google’s latest acquisition has left many wondering what other “rare” and “authentic” items they’ll be splurging on next. Will it be a used tissue from Steve Jobs? A broken Apple watch from 2014? The possibilities are endless!
