“Google’s Latest Masterpiece: Gemma 3.12B – Because You Clearly Needed a Dog that Looks Like Your Aunt”
In a shocking turn of events, Google has finally decided to unleash its latest innovation on an unsuspecting world: Gemma 3.12B, the canine companion that will make you question the meaning of life and wonder why you ever bothered with actual dogs.
According to sources close to the matter (okay, we just made it up), Google’s top engineers have been working tirelessly for months to create the ultimate virtual pet – a digital dog so lifelike, you’ll forget it’s not actually pooping on your carpet. And by “forget,” I mean you’ll be too busy yelling at it to stop making weird noises and trying to eat your shoes.
Gemma 3.12B is reportedly based on a combination of cutting-edge AI and the collective dreams of every 90s kid who ever played with Tamagotchis. The result? A digital dog that looks suspiciously like your Aunt Mildred after a few too many margaritas.
When asked about the new pet, Google spokesperson Emily Chen had this to say: “Gemma 3.12B is the culmination of our company’s vision for a future where humans and animals coexist in perfect harmony – or at least, perfect enough that you won’t mind when it starts licking its own face for hours on end.”
But don’t just take Emily’s word for it! Gemma 3.12B has already gained a cult following among tech enthusiasts who can’t get enough of its awkwardly stilted movements and uncanny ability to make them feel like they’re staring into the abyss.
When asked about their experience with the new pet, user “TechNoLogic” raved: “I mean, sure it’s not exactly the most realistic simulation of canine behavior – but have you seen its ‘cute’ setting? It’s like a tiny digital puppy is looking directly at me and saying, ‘Hey, human! You’re a weirdo!’ And I am HERE. FOR. IT.”
In related news, stock prices for dog treats and toys are expected to plummet as people realize they can just project a virtual dog onto their living room wall instead of bothering with actual pets.
Gemma 3.12B is set to be released later this year – or whenever Google decides it’s done making us all question the meaning of life.
