**BREAKING: Local Man’s Stupidity Leads to $2 MILLION Windfall!**
In a bizarre incident that has left mathematicians and lottery officials stunned, 32-year-old Dave Wilson of suburban Anytown, USA, has won a whopping $2 MILLION DOLLARS after accidentally purchasing TWO IDENTICAL POWERBALL TICKETS!
According to sources close to the Wilson household, Dave had stopped by his local convenience store to grab a lottery ticket on a whim, without even bothering to check his previous tickets. In a move that can only be described as “sheer genius,” Dave then proceeded to buy ANOTHER TICKET… WITH THE SAME NUMBERS!
“I just figured, why not?” said Dave in an exclusive interview. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? I win twice?”
As it turns out, Dave’s reckless abandon paid off in a big way. When the winning numbers were announced, Dave’s identical tickets matched all five white balls and the Powerball, securing him a cool $2 MILLION DOLLARS!
“I was just sitting on the couch, eating Cheetos, when my wife came running in screaming, ‘Dave, you won! You won TWICE!'” said a beaming Dave. “I was like, ‘What are you talking about?’ And then I saw the tickets and I was like, ‘OH YEAH, I DID THAT!'”
Lottery officials are still trying to wrap their heads around the improbability of the situation. “We’re not sure if we should be congratulating Dave on his good fortune or fining him for being a math problem waiting to happen,” said a spokesperson for the lottery commission.
Dave plans to use his winnings to pay off his student loans, buy a new TV, and invest in a “Dave’s Lottery Ticket Duplication Service” – a move that has left friends and family scratching their heads.
In related news, local convenience store owners are reporting a surge in sales of identical lottery tickets, as hopefuls try to replicate Dave’s incredible luck.
