**BREAKING: Shocking Tale of Bibliophilic Betrayal as Rogue Book Returns After 30-Year Odyssey**
In a stunning turn of events, a library book that had been MIA for a whopping 34 years has finally slinked back into the arms of its long-suffering librarian overlords at the University of Bradford in West Yorkshire, UK.
The wayward tome, a 1965 edition of “The Description of a New World, Called the Blazing-World” by Margaret Cavendish, was checked out on June 14, 1988, by a notorious book thief (ahem, “borrower”) who clearly had no intention of ever returning it.
For three decades, the book was presumed lost forever, a victim of its owner’s questionable literary taste and blatant disregard for the Dewey Decimal System. Librarians had all but given up hope of ever laying eyes on the errant volume, resigning themselves to the fact that it would likely end up as a bookmark in some distant land, or worse, a coaster in a garage sale.
But lo and behold! On Tuesday, the book suddenly materialized at the library, looking a tad worse for wear but still remarkably intact, like a bibliophilic Lazarus risen from the ashes.
“I was just cleaning out my attic and found this old book that I had ‘borrowed’ from the library back in the day,” said the anonymous book “donor” in a statement. “I had totally forgotten about it, but I guess you could say it was ‘calling’ me back to its rightful home.”
The book, which has been described as “a bit dog-eared and worn, but still readable” by library staff, was greeted with tears of joy and a stern warning: “You. Are. Overdue.”
The library has announced plans to forgive the book’s prodigal owner and waive the whopping £3.50 fine that had accrued over the years. “We’re just glad to have it back,” said a library spokesperson. “And we’re considering offering a ‘Book Return Amnesty’ for other overdue materials – just don’t tell anyone we said that.”
In related news, local authorities have reported a surge in sightings of a suspicious individual lurking around libraries, muttering something about “just needing to return a book” and “not wanting to get fined.”
